Shoeless

Today's Indian Express carries an article where Simon Doull expresses his doubts on the authenticity of New Zealand's run chase in the third test against Pakistan in 1994. A member of that team that mounted New Zealand's greatest run chase in tests, he says he has begun to question their achievement in light of the recent scandals that have erupted in the sport. Many years ago, in 2000, I consciously resized myself from an ardent fan of the sport to a viewer with a cursory academic interest. Did it have something with finding out about Hansie Cronje, a captain I'd had immense respect for, admitting his complicity in various underhanded dealings? Probably. Yet on occasion the emotion and happiness of a superlative performance would sneak through, like that home test series victory against Australia.

Moving to America in 2002 ensured in many ways that the cord with cricket was firmly and decidedly severed. The sport had disillusioned me enough to prevent me from making the investment, in terms of time and money, to stay in constant touch and updated with inane details like who the latest wicket-keeper-batsman-captain of Zimbabwe was. I sub-contracted my sports interest to the NBA and NFL where the controls were at least more obvious in terms of referee management, preferential treatment to superstars and very obvious levels of home field advantage. But I've found that the exuberance I attached to the victories of the teams I supported (the Los Angeles Lakers and the San Francisco 49ers ) suffered from the same detachment. Somewhere it became obvious that controversy had cracked the pedestals I had reserved for my childhood heroes. Beyond recovery. And yet a masochistic portion of me seemed to be looking for it over and over again. Much like the psyche of an abuse victim however I was always on the watch for repeat occurrences and reasons to divest.

Ever since, I have always pondered the essence and reason for existence of organized sports as well as the fervor and revenue it generates. The steroid scandals in both cycling and baseball have affected people I know quite personally. (I know what you're thinking "Cycling has fans??". But I had the fortune of knowing an US Olympic cyclist who quit only because his heart gave out). The Red Sox fans I know live in perennial fear that their World Series win in 2004 was "performance-enhanced". And all of it harkens back to one thing. There are few in the male of our species that have not used sport as a bonding mechanism or mode of self-improvement. In many ways need to believe that these people we root for play for the same reasons we played in our dust bowl streets and uneven playgrounds. The pure joy of doing something for the sake of doing it and doing it right.

In many ways Simon Doull is expressing the self doubt that is now possibly eating away at the insides of Bryan Young and Shane Thompson who both scored what they believed to be skillful hundreds in what they again believed to be a difficult in. While no one will probably take the efforts to dig into the events during or preceding that test, they will forever apply an asterisk to their achievements. That is an albatross too heavy for any sportsmen to carry. The greatest disservice these match-fixers do is not to the sport or its administration or even its fans. It is to their fellow sportsmen. Imagine having one of your most sterling achievements snatched away in a cruel twist of fate. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the real travesty.